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• Kenny Chesney

by Otter on 2005 Aug 22 - 16:36 | reply to this comment Books and society What made 'Getting to 'I Do'' seem much more appealing to me than 'The surrendered Wife' is that it isn't based on pretcence. Pat Allen doesn't suggest that a woman should pretend to be passive or ignorant or have no opinions of her own. She suggests that a woman should work out what she wants from a relationship, and if she is a 'feminine energy' woman, then she will get pleasure from following a man's lead, and accepting what he gives her. What struck me very forcibly was her point that a 'feminine energy' woman should accept graciously what her man gives her, and that means accepting the things she doesn't like as well as the things that she does. It occured to me that this was what was wrong in my own marriage, that whereas i had always accepted happily the good things my husband gave me, love, attention, money etc, I had been less than gracious about accepting the things that I didn't particularly want, like advice about how to do things etc. Accepting that he has the authority to tell me what I should do, and how I should do it, has made our lives a lot easier. Feeling that he is listened to, and that I will at least try (not always succesfully) to do what he wants me to, has made him better tempered and more reasonable, it has made life easier for both of us. Realising that a self-help book actually had something to say that was of relevence to me and made sense, disconcerted me rather, since I started out reading the book fully determined to utterly despise it, but there you are.

I take your point about most of these books being Bible-based, Getting to 'I Do' is the only book I know of that suggests that being in a male-led relationship might actually be fun. I personally find it pleasurable doing things that will please my husband, even housework isn't such a bore when I think of it as something I am doing to please him, rather than something I'm just doing because I should. The Biblical approach never had any appeal for me.

I don't think a prejudice against homosexuality is precisely the same as a prejudice against male-led relationships though. I mean, in a society which is seriously prejudiced against homosexuals, men who were in a relationship would have to keep it concealed from society, whereas a couple in a Taken In Hand relationship don't have to pretend they're not together, they just have to be discreet about some of the details.

I am slightly ambivalent about whether or not I would want other people to know I had this