Maeve April 4, 2011 at 10:53 am
This is a lovely story, and I know it does work out this way sometimes, but I don’t think anyone “just knows.”

I “just knew” my ex-husband was the one when I met him at 22. He then started cheating on me a couple of months after we got married and kept it up straight through the divorce. He was an absolute jerk and broke every promise he ever made to me. What I “just knew” was totally, completely wrong. Looking back, there were a lot of signs of what kind of person he really was–signs I overlooked because I “just knew” we were supposed to be together.

My very recent ex-boyfriend “just knew” that we would be together forever. You can see how right he turned out to be.

Honestly, I think in any relationship that lasts over six months, there is one person who “just knows” that it’s right. But psychological research shows quite definitively that the feeling of certainty is absolutely unconnected with actual fact . I think it is very important not to encourage people to turn off their grey matter and “trust their gut” when so many of us are so badly led astray by it. Sure, trust your intuition–but trust your eyes, ears, critical thinking, past experience and lessons learned too.

Falling in love is a wonderful feeling but it blinds people and fills their brains with hormones for at least 18 months to two years–and those hormones can feel a lot like certainty before they wear off. I think it’s incredibly important to keep your head enough to wait for the honeymoon period to wear off, and THEN see how sure you are.

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